How’s That For Honesty

Hopefully I’ll be able to express myself the way it’s intended. I wanted to say that I sincerely appreciate the support you’ve all given me over the past few years. My attitude towards this has changed a lot in the last year. I think this blog or my Social Media sites gave me more confidence and gave me a sense of purpose, I guess. It was something that I could point to and say, “see, I’m worth something.” But I am getting weary of people knowing my business. This is partially my fault because I put it all out there, but it seemed to help organise my thoughts and helped get me through some rough times, but it seems to have outlived its usefulness. I feel more and more the need to keep to myself.

The other thing about this blog is that I wonder sometimes if I am being as authentic as I want to be. I feel like I’m a completely different person in my head and on this blog than who I am in the real world. I’ve always felt that I was being myself and never pretending to be somebody else, but I always smile even when I don’t feel like smiling. I wonder sometimes if I’m always pretending.

Anyway, I started this blog in March of last year, which means I only have three or four months worth of photos to edit, and then I’m done, I haven’t been out much lately. I have 3 rolls of 120mm to develop, but that’s it. I just got my (rather large) Industrial Electronics book to start on and school is keeping me pretty busy. I don’t see where my blog fits in at the moment, right now it just feels like another thing that I need to do that I’m not doing. Maybe I’ll feel differently later on down the road.

So again, I want to thank you all for your kind words and support. I’ll be posting a few more times but that will be it for a while.

Here are some random 35mm photos:

10 Comments

  1. I’ll miss your photos, and the glimpses of Utah. Find something new to do with your photos, I know how much they mean to you! You’ve got a lot on your plate, find the right balance to get what you need in life.

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  2. I really like what you do and some of the 35mm here had me muttering a “fuck, that’s great”. You’ve managed to do something I hope to achieve – that people want to interact outside of certain social media sites. Your website is your online home, even your self doubt in your approach to this shows authenticity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I appreciate you saying that. I struggle with all of this because I put all of myself into it, even interactions like this. I feel guilty for not supporting you in the same way you support me. I’m too wrapped up in my own head to be able to show that kind of support to anyone. It gets to me and I start to feel selfish. I wish I had myself put together enough to be able to do that for someone. It means a lot to me and I appreciate it. I feel like it’s undeserved though. The other thing is that the people reading this aren’t faceless and I always seem to say the wrong thing. I feel very immature and irresponsible in some of the things I say. I don’t mean to be but I am. It starts to give me anxiety, which is the opposite of what this is supposed to be for me. This probably isn’t the end for me but it is for now. I feel pressure from every direction and this shouldn’t be a source of stress, but it is. Again, thank you for everything, feel free to contact me anytime, I enjoy our interactions.

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      1. No one can tell you how to feel, so I won’t even try (!) I think ultimately, you have to deal with things your own way. I don’t pop along here and try to show support so that you’ll do the same, it’s because visiting your website. I think the idea of being ‘together’ probably boarders on the relative. I’m really struggling to put my thoughts into words here and I wanted to keep this short because I respect that stress puts pressure on the things you enjoy. I enjoy our interactions too. Feel free to email me directly any time!

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      2. Your website is so awesome! There is a lot of great stuff there. I’m actually kind of jealous. I was actually looking for a contact page so I could email you. I’m not sure if you gave me your email before or not. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ve got it.

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