It’s funny at the end of things, you find yourself reacting differently than you expect. You fight your fight for so long that the things you thought were important to you just aren’t important anymore. I always find myself trying to be better than I was yesterday, but you can only sustain that for so long. I’m fine with who I am, the way I am. I think the only thing I would change is being brave enough to do what I really want to do. I want to travel, but not the way you would expect. I want to live in small towns across the US for short amounts of time, rent a room, work wherever there is work to be found, take photos, maybe write a little then move on to the next place. There would be obstacles that would be way less pleasant than I imagine, but the idea sounds nice.
I mentioned writing a book in my last two posts, but today it doesn’t really seem to matter. I might change my mind, but today, I feel like never looking back. While you’re going through what to you seems like hell, you want people to understand it, but when it’s over, you’re just glad it’s over and you want a break. I just want to sleep, and eat, and snuggle with my cat. My life has resembled an impossible movie plot, but the resolution was as I should have expected, what happens in real life. I accept that.
Well, it’s now a few days after I originally wrote the first two paragraphs. I decided to change my major, and I let my professor know to drop me from the Automation program. Going along with being brave enough to do what I always wanted to do, I am enrolling in a Psychology program instead. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t see the practicality of it. I’ve tried being practical about most everything in my life, but my life isn’t near as boring as I want it to be. I figured, practicality has gotten me nowhere, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. The funny thing about a Psychology degree is that I need to take at least one writing class and an art class. My photography class 20 years ago might actually count toward my degree, not that I’d object to taking another art class. 😉 Printmaking sounds like it might be up my alley, but there are also other photography classes they offer and I know they do group exhibitions for students. I often have regrets about not doing this sooner, but I probably wasn’t ready to do this until now. I have no regrets. And I’ll write that book, whether it be for my professor and that class, or if I decide to share it outside of that is yet to be determined.
Speaking of Photography classes, here are a couple of photos I came across from my high school and college classes. I thought I had either given or thrown all of that stuff away. I hated landscape photography so I’m surprised to see this one of the Great Salt Lake, and I don’t think I was as bad as I remember being. These are particularly fun because these are prints that I printed in the darkroom. The one of the VW Beetle was the one and only pinhole camera shot I’d ever done. It was from my Junior year in high school.
Since there will be a little break before I can start school again, I’m going to do a little more photography and reading while I’ve got the time, slow down and take a breather, snuggle with my cat.