My day started with making chocolate chip banana pancakes for breakfast, and as soon as my plate was ready, my nephew called me to have one of the missionary discussions. My experience with the discussions are a little different since I went to church every Sunday until I moved out of my parent’s house at the age of 19. It’s a different experience, and I told him today that I wouldn’t have accepted the discussions from any other missionary other than him, (no offence to his companion, of course). I told him my experiences lately have been very unexpected because I didn’t want to worry about where I ended up in the next life. I was trying to be a good person, do my own thing, trying to be kind and where I ended up would be good enough for me. I didn’t really need God in my life. As I said in a previous post, I didn’t really think God had time for me anyway. I told my nephew that I was boring, why did I need God? He said I was a huge influence on him and he admired my taste in music and helped form his own taste in music. He used to tag me in his Instagram posts of him playing Primus songs on his guitar. He said he thought I was the coolest. I was very complimented by that, but what I was more complimented by was that he said that I was an influence on him to go on his mission, or at least to the start of his journey to where he is now. He was supposed to go to Spain, but because of Covid-19, he was sent here instead. We are both very grateful for it because as it turns out, I do need God in my life.

My brothers and sisters (and their kids) have been a huge support. They’ve always been there for me but I didn’t see it. I didn’t recognise it as love, it came across to me as criticism. When my family would invite me to family functions, I never realised it was because they wanted me there. I always figured that I wouldn’t be missed. There were seven other siblings to fill the void. When I was younger, my life was difficult in a different way. Dealing with a step family was not as the Brady Bunch depicted it and whenever I wanted to vent or be upset about it, I was told that it was just the way things were and there was really nothing I could do. I grew up thinking that I wasn’t allowed to not be okay. I was on my own and I needed to be self-sufficient. I’m still that way on the surface and I don’t know how to find a good balance. I have been shown that I can’t do it on my own. I need God, and I need my family and it takes courage to acknowledge that. Needing help doesn’t mean you are weak. I am grateful for my experiences regardless of how hard it has been, because I would have continued to take my family for granted.

My nephew has been leaving me with assignments or messages he wants me to check out and this week’s message was from President Russell M. Nelson: A Message of Hope and Healing https://youtu.be/IOBjWpjyJSs and in it, he talks about posting to social media about gratitude. I don’t have social media and I don’t usually like to post something because it’s trending or whatever the case may be, but I feel it is important to do it now.

I wanted to write about my obsession with the Polaroid SX-70 to keep these posts photography related. I vowed to not purchase any records or books for a year in order to buy one for Christmas next year. I also wanted to write about my new obsession with Bobby Kennedy, but those topics can wait.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.