Gratitude Journal; Not Sure if this will be Ongoing

My day started with making chocolate chip banana pancakes for breakfast, and as soon as my plate was ready, my nephew called me to have one of the missionary discussions. My experience with the discussions are a little different since I went to church every Sunday until I moved out of my parent’s house at the age of 19. It’s a different experience, and I told him today that I wouldn’t have accepted the discussions from any other missionary other than him, (no offence to his companion, of course). I told him my experiences lately have been very unexpected because I didn’t want to worry about where I ended up in the next life. I was trying to be a good person, do my own thing, trying to be kind and where I ended up would be good enough for me. I didn’t really need God in my life. As I said in a previous post, I didn’t really think God had time for me anyway. I told my nephew that I was boring, why did I need God? He said I was a huge influence on him and he admired my taste in music and helped form his own taste in music. He used to tag me in his Instagram posts of him playing Primus songs on his guitar. He said he thought I was the coolest. I was very complimented by that, but what I was more complimented by was that he said that I was an influence on him to go on his mission, or at least to the start of his journey to where he is now. He was supposed to go to Spain, but because of Covid-19, he was sent here instead. We are both very grateful for it because as it turns out, I do need God in my life.

My brothers and sisters (and their kids) have been a huge support. They’ve always been there for me but I didn’t see it. I didn’t recognise it as love, it came across to me as criticism. When my family would invite me to family functions, I never realised it was because they wanted me there. I always figured that I wouldn’t be missed. There were seven other siblings to fill the void. When I was younger, my life was difficult in a different way. Dealing with a step family was not as the Brady Bunch depicted it and whenever I wanted to vent or be upset about it, I was told that it was just the way things were and there was really nothing I could do. I grew up thinking that I wasn’t allowed to not be okay. I was on my own and I needed to be self-sufficient. I’m still that way on the surface and I don’t know how to find a good balance. I have been shown that I can’t do it on my own. I need God, and I need my family and it takes courage to acknowledge that. Needing help doesn’t mean you are weak. I am grateful for my experiences regardless of how hard it has been, because I would have continued to take my family for granted.

My nephew has been leaving me with assignments or messages he wants me to check out and this week’s message was from President Russell M. Nelson: A Message of Hope and Healing https://youtu.be/IOBjWpjyJSs and in it, he talks about posting to social media about gratitude. I don’t have social media and I don’t usually like to post something because it’s trending or whatever the case may be, but I feel it is important to do it now.

I wanted to write about my obsession with the Polaroid SX-70 to keep these posts photography related. I vowed to not purchase any records or books for a year in order to buy one for Christmas next year. I also wanted to write about my new obsession with Bobby Kennedy, but those topics can wait.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.

3 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing, my beautiful sister. The #givethanks in my opinion is what is needed in the world today, in it’s final hour. Going back to President Nelson’s November 2019 general conference, he mentioned that social media doesn’t matter. As always I tend to be on the slow end of the listening and learning curve. I have deleted my Facebook and Twitter account because I want to be able to focus on face to face engagement. Working from home and never going anywhere because my disdain for the mask propaganda and all it stands for has caused me to be a recluse along with the financial burden of not having a job for the last 6 months. Now, circling back around to the subject of gratitude and taking things for granted; I too struggle with that similar paradox. One thing I do know is that you have influenced my life also. I could go on & on about the ways your influence has touched me. The biggest one now is learning how to accept help and not taking my family for granted. I need you all. And when I think about how very blessed we are – I’m so amazed that gratitude can be felt from the struggles we have been through. God’s goodness is so great that even bad things turn out to be good things. Trust and faith in him is the only thing that truly matters. I know that once I get that prioritized everything else will fall into place.
    Keep being the bright light that you have always been. On second thought, shine even brighter. You may not think so, but you influence many people’s lives for the good.

    16 Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

    I love you my eternal sister.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for always being so supportive. I love you so much. I don’t know how to respond to this in this setting but I’d love to sit down and chat with you, we need to make the time sometime soon. ❀ The funny thing about all of this is that I feel like Scrooge on Christmas morning. I really do. Today we're going out to buy a Christmas tree. I haven't put one up for the last 2 years because I hated Christmas and thought it was so commercialised, which it is, but it doesn't have to be. Maybe you should come over so I can make you a nice Christmas dinner this year. πŸ˜‰

    Like

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