At the start of this, when I realized I was being protected and that I was receiving guidance from a higher power, I didn’t know what to do with it. First of all, why is all of this happening to me in the first place? Why did I deserve this guidance and what do I do now? This wasn’t in my plans. I was never going to go back to church, I felt happy and fulfilled without it. I was free of the pressures of organized religion, free of living up to anybody’s expectations.
Then I started being stalked and harassed. I thought I could handle that too. They’d give up or kill me, I guess, but I was never afraid of death and sometimes it was even a welcomed thought. The day came when I realized that this wasn’t going to stop and that I did need guidance. Going back to church seemed desperate at first. I wanted to go back for the right reasons. I only did it when I was a kid because the grown ups thought well of me for it. (I was always more for pleasing the adults rather than fitting in with my peers) It took me a little bit to decide that this was the right course for me. I wanted guidance of course but was it necessarily coming from the Mormon God in particular? I respect people from different faiths usually even more than I respected people from my own faith. What do I do now?
Between studying Joseph Smith’s history, reading the Doctrine and Covenants, and listening to general conference talks, I realize that I’m in the right place and not only that, but that this is my calling. I never wanted to admit as much because I feel like it sounds arrogant. But just as Joseph Smith would never deny that he experienced the first vision, I will never deny the guidance I’m receiving from my Heavenly Father. I fear God way more than I fear man. I will continue to try to do his will and follow his promptings.
This video talks about how the gospel ordinances are usually thought of as applying mainly to men, but as they keep reiterating here, it’s for everyone. It’s for everyone, even people who don’t feel like they deserve guidance from a God they’re not even sure they believe in. I know this now. God knows you and loves you. You have a purpose for being on this earth.
Watch “Come Follow Me Doctrine and Covenants 84 (July 26-Aug.1) Don’t Miss This” on YouTube