The last two weeks have been pretty rough, not only being quarantined and having Covid (I’m not complaining about that because it was pretty mild) but because I’m fighting this thing at work that I really don’t want to be fighting, and I feel better about it when I’m better able to read the situation. I have to be at work.
I wondered why I was having such a hard time with it and it came to me when I was reading the afterword on ‘Blink.’ (It was a great read and only took me 3 days) The afterword was talking about the Battle of Chancellorsville where Army Major General Joseph Hooker lost the battle to General Lee. Hooker’s army was positioned in front of and in back of General Lee’s army and had twice as many men. The book also talked about a bull fighter who couldn’t kill the bull after he’d bested it, and had another Matador do it. He would say that he didn’t like the way the bull looked at him. The theory was that General Hooker was of the same mindset as the bull fighter and choked.
I don’t know if I’m more scared of winning than losing, but it seems to be the case. I didn’t think I’d have to take it that far, but perhaps I do.
I was comforted yesterday. The day started with me using a jacket I hadn’t used since my son’s baptism in April. I found my notes on the talk I had given that day.
It was fast Sunday and I was enjoying hearing the testimonies of our ward members. When I got home I changed into my penguin pajamas and was going to start cooking dinner. My Son came to me and said that the missionaries were at the door. I thought it was strange because we haven’t seen the missionaries in months. It wasn’t the missionaries, they were MY missionaries who are now going to BYU. One of them is going into mechanical engineering and the other geology. I was so surprised and excited to see them. One of them was the missionary who gave me the infamous blessing that I keep mentioning in my posts and the other was key to my son being baptized and was at his baptism. It was a comforting and it felt like an answer to my prayers.
You may not think so, but I’m doing the right thing. I know I am. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I’ve been given no other choice than to keep going. I’m a reasonable person and I’ve given you the option of making it right, I suggest you take it.
Thanks for reading.