It’s hard to describe how I know what I know. I didn’t know I had this ability to read people until now. I was always overthinking and self conscious, but I’ve come to trust my instincts. I don’t know how to articulate the things that I know, it’s always been a problem for me. I sound like I’m a teenager most of the time and I’ve come to understand that it’s a part of the reason people don’t take me seriously.
I’ll tell you these things as I come to understand them myself. I can tell that none of you know how to act around me and since we will be working together for a while I thought I’d tell you what I know.
First thing: if I’ve seen the recognition in your face that either you’ve seen my blog or that you know about my situation, I can’t unsee it. Every acton you make around me after that becomes an act of trying to get me to believe otherwise. It won’t work. Most of you can’t decide whether to be friendly or to pretend I don’t exist. I feel you, I’m one of the most awkward people on the planet and I wouldn’t know what to do either.
My suggestion is that if you have never acknowledged my existence then continue to do so. I probably couldn’t say for sure if you know anything about me. That’s fine, I will never force you to talk to me. If you decide you’d like to talk to me, it’s welcome too. Always.
If you are always friendly with me, I might not know for sure about where you stand either and I appreciate your kindness. I’m not going to force you to continue to be kind but I love it and appreciate it. So. Much.
If you can’t decide between ignoring me or being friendly, my suggestion is to pick one and stick with it. I will never force myself on anyone and I will always be kind to someone who is making an effort. It will be awkward at first, I’m sure, but eventually it won’t be. I know that you didn’t choose this situation and I didn’t choose to be able to understand your knowledge of it. It’s awkward all the way around.
If you are sneaky and perpetually have a guilty look on your face because you’re up to no good, you should probably avoid me completely. I already told this PCO that he always looks guilty and he does. I like the guy but you probably shouldn’t have him do your bidding. Just a suggestion.
If you decide to have a conversation with me, it’s welcome. I can’t say I won’t be awkward but I’ll try my best not to be. However, if you’re starting a conversation to try to put words in my mouth then I will probably be able to tell, and it will probably be a dead give away as to your intentions.
I hope this helps and of anything else comes up, I’ll be sure to let you know.
As always, thanks for reading.